Charlie entered my life through the gift of adoption just over eight years ago. He has an extra chromosome, is on the Autism spectrum, remains non-verbal, and has sensory processing issues that often send him caving in the nearest corner. The baby of our family, he is also my sweetest cuddle bug and has me absolutely wrapped around every single one of his fingers. For me, Charlie is perfect; in fact, my life is complete because of this little Cheese Puff:
It’s not an easy journey, however. Selfless love is never easy. I’m Charlie’s caretaker twenty four hours a day for seven days each week where I serve as his head chef, his clean up crew, his security detail, and his best buddy. Most of the time I succeed. When I walk into any room, I break down each and every nitty gritty twist, angle, and point of view to locate all potential threats or hazards within seconds. Charlie can’t grasp danger, so that’s my job. Most of the time I succeed, but sometimes I fail. And in those times when I fail, my buddy doesn’t have a voice that allows him to summon me for help. Today was one of those days.
Can you see that ring around his right ankle? At some point during the night, Charlie managed to get a cord from a toy tightly wound around his ankle. Thank God it didn’t cut off all circulation. It was so tight, however, his foot turned blue. He can’t tell me how long he stood still beside his bed waiting on me to rescue him. It could’ve been hours. He can’t tell me how badly he was frightened or how much it hurt. All he could do was just stand there beside his bed waiting for me. And waiting. And waiting. Trust me, this is more than any special needs mom ever bargains for.
As the momma of two kiddos who have special needs, my guard is always up and I am always on. That’s not a prideful statement, but a necessary fact. I’d rather let down the rest of the world than to disappoint them. I must’ve said I’m sorry one-hundred times or more as he collapsed into my arms. And you know what? My love for him was enough. Because love conquers all fear, pain, disability, hurt, and trauma. Cuddled into my arms, the thought of being upset or angry with me never entered Charlie’s mind. Love fixed it all.
I correlate so much of being a special needs momma to our incredible Father who loves us so selflessly that He took all of our sin and imperfections and died for us, redeeming it all. We take pride in how intelligent, successful, or physically attractive we are…but the Savior sees us as a bunch of special needs kids. Just like Charlie, sometimes we get into an awful predicament. And perhaps we’re so trampled by life, stifled by our circumstances, or so broken that we can’t find our voices to call to Him for help. So we wait. And wait. And wait for Him to come. Know this, friends…not only is He always coming for us, He is always there. We don’t even have to call. And no matter our situation, He loves us beyond measure. Yes, love conquers all. It fixes everything if we allow it to.
This is what Charlie has looked like ever since being freed:
Tuckered out after a trauma-filled night, the little man won’t leave my side. Even in a zombie-like state of sleep, when I move, he moves. So I just sit here beside him, listening to him saw his logs, allowing him to feel safe. I am his security detail, after all. It’s part of the job.
In the same way, if you’re going through a particularly difficult time, know that God is right beside you, wanting you to feel safe in HIS arms. He is your security detail, after all. It’s part of the job. Let Him be your comforter today.
Just my thoughts…